In the Indian set up, a lot of emphasis has always been given to making sure a man’s social image is never hurt. However, when it comes to his partner, she is expected to let go of promises made, and sacrifice her social image for the greater good and in the interest of her relationship. With the advent of social media interactions and more and more women asserting and valuing their social media worth, this has led to a shift in the relationship dynamic as we know it. Ignoring your partner’s expectations, making promises and failing to keep them, ignoring the impact of all of this on her and her social media image can actually lead to a relationship fallout according to experts.
How broken promises can hurt a person’s self worth?
Psychiatrist Dr Hemant Mittal, believes, often men fail to realise that they need to be more sensitive to a woman’s social image and not do anything that undervalues it in the eyes of those that she respects. A point reiterated by Geeta Srinivasan, a travel executive, who is still trying to come to terms with her marriage breaking down. She says, “We were the ‘it couple’ and had fought our way to be together. Since, ours was an intercaste marriage, we did not have a big celebration as the time was not right. However, my husband had promised we would make an announcement and throw a party soon. Something I shared with my friends, who were also looking forward to it. It’s been two years since our marriage, but he is yet to deliver on that promise. I have tried to talk to him about it, I have broached the topic a couple of times, but he just does not seem to get it. He is practical in his approach to life, and sees this as unnecessary expenditure. When my friends question me about the party, I try to change the topic, but deep inside I resent him for not keeping his promise. It’s come to a point where all that hurt has started affecting our relationship. I feel helpless and don’t know what to do.”
Addressing hurt emotions is the first step to healing
Dr Hemant says, “When expectations are broken or not met, resolution of pain is important. The partner who has failed to keep his end of the bargain has to compensate for it. Ideally, the best way to start is to ask your partner for forgiveness for unintentionally hurting them. Tell them that you will plan one event as per their wishes, after which you two will put this behind you, and move forward. This can only happen if the partner realises how much hurt he has caused. If he does not, and you do intend to save the relationship, you will have no choice but to approach a trained professional for help.”
While the direct approach is good. It may not work for all says clinical psychologist and author, Seema Hingorany. Seema adds, “While many counsellors will tell you that communication is a healthy way of resolving conflict, there are times when it fails. Sometimes a partner is not in a mood to listen or comprehend your emotions and that’s when we feel most let down. One way of handling the situation is not to confront or get defensive with your partner. Avoid lashing out at them in anger, instead pen down your feelings in a diary. Talk to a friend or a therapist, on how to process the hurt. When you are ready to talk about it as a couple, get an expert to intervene, so that both of you can have your say. Also, it makes sense to look at the larger picture. If your partner has let you down by not fulfilling a grandiose promise, you have to decide if you can let go, and move on from there as holding on to it will only hurt you more. The focus should be on resolving conflict rather than trying to pin the blame on one an another.
If all else fails, you will have to approach a counsellor who can act as an objective third party, and help you come to an understanding that is acceptable to the both of you.”